Top 10 ways to get President Obama’s healthcare plan passed

10. No Congressional bathroom breaks until it’s signed and sealed (no janitorial services on the floors, either)
9. Convince Congress that if it doesn’t pass, then the terrorists win
8. Bring in some Canadian Parliament ringers (pretend they’re from Minnesota)
7. Index Congressional pay to federal healthcare spending (ehhhh…maybe not)
6. Get President Obama to provide his real birth certificate in exchange

5. Sneak it in as a rider on one of those Alaskan bridge bills
4. Let the CIA “handle it”
3. Secretly hire Speidi to lobby against it
2. Put Seacrest on the floor and let America vote!
1. Tell Southern Congressmen that there are literally barrels of pork in it for ’em

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