In case you haven’t heard, Alex Rodriguez allegedly has two portraits of himself as a centaur hanging over his bed. There are so many obvious questions this story raises, but let’s ask a few of the less obvious ones.
- As strange as it is, I suppose I could justify one centaur self-portrait. But two? Why would he need two? Did he get a volume discount? My buddy Tom suggests that maybe one is erect and one is flaccid. I don’t buy that…nothing is more of a mood-killer than a flaccid centaur self-portrait above your bed.
- Perhaps there are two portraits in order to provide some sort of freaky 3-D effect?
- Is one centaur holding a bat and the other wearing a mitt?
- Are the centaurs wearing a Mariner, Ranger, or Yankee jersey?
- Are the horse halves more muscular than a normal horse is? (horse growth hormone?)
- Did Prince put him up to it?
- Are they velvet paintings? For some reason, I think that would make it more acceptable.
- Does Fabio appear in either portrait?
- Makes you wonder what kind of portrait Barry Bonds has hanging in his bedroom, doesn’t it?
Come on, Us Weekly, keep digging!